You paint me a blue sky, then go back and turn it to rain.
Hello. It's me again.
Writing in english today. I grew up in Bournemouth, England, and I think it's easier to express yourself in english.
Well, this is going to be about my friend Anton, again. Or should I say ex-friend? I just can't get used to to say that. I just can't handle that we're not friends anymore.
He was one of my close friends, the best guyfriend I've ever had.
I just can't stop think about it. It's breaking my heart that we ended like this.
I just keep wondering why this happened. After missing each other the whole summer I thought we would stick together longer than this.
If someone asked me if I would like things to be like before I would say yes. No doubt about it. I really miss him.
That little kid, younger than me, but seemed older. He was so smart, and nice to me.
I was like one of few persons who he was nice to.
We really suited each other, as friends, of course. We were sooo different, but we really enjoyed being with each other. He felt the same, you could tell.
If I knew that he was sorry, and he wanted to be friends again, I would fight. I would give my all.
But he let me down, he really hurted me.
And he don't seem interested in being friends at all.
So I can't. I can't give away all my energy to someone who doesn't care.
But then I thought, what if he feels the same way, but don't think that I want it? What if he also is too scared to make a move? Though I think he would fight for me if he wanted me as a friend, or at least talk with me.
Maybe I should show that I miss him? Maybe I should just tell him?
I don't know really. I'm not scard of letting him know. I guess I'm scard of his answer. Of getting a "I don't miss you" or "I think your annoying" or worse: "I don't wanna be friends with you".
I just wouldn't be able to take that, I would break down. And I wouldn't be able to see him in school then.
Well, I guess I just need to sleep on it, and I'll figure it out.